Hi! I’m new here to your blog and recently read this book, too. And just like you, I also had to pause and process for my initial reaction was worry inducing. It really shook my paradigm of being “child led.” but somehow both really resonates
with me. It also seems to contradict Dr. Peter Gray’s message, which also used to resonate with me too. I’m in the process of grappling both concepts. How do you reconcile these ideas? Another question, could you elaborate more on your approach of being present in a friendly way? Thank you so much for your wonderful insight.
Hi Micah, Welcome and thank you for your kind words! I have read a lot of Dr. Gray's work, too and appreciate his insights on the importance of play and giving kids freedom without constant adult meddling and control. While Neufeld and Mate caution us about peer orientation, I don't think their ideas are necessarily counter to Gray's just more analytic about what can happen when children do not have a solid attachment with primary caregivers. There's playing with children as playmates in order to practice necessary pro-social skills and there's being turned over to peers, if you will, that can creates negative outcomes when primary attachments are not secure. Hope that makes sense. Also, not sure what you mean about being present in a friendly way. Can you explain a little more? Thank you!
I like the idea of thinking in terms of ‘playmates’ rather than ‘friends’ at a young age.
Hi Ruth! Me too. It seems less loaded and more relaxed, like childhood should be. :)
Hi! I’m new here to your blog and recently read this book, too. And just like you, I also had to pause and process for my initial reaction was worry inducing. It really shook my paradigm of being “child led.” but somehow both really resonates
with me. It also seems to contradict Dr. Peter Gray’s message, which also used to resonate with me too. I’m in the process of grappling both concepts. How do you reconcile these ideas? Another question, could you elaborate more on your approach of being present in a friendly way? Thank you so much for your wonderful insight.
Hi Micah, Welcome and thank you for your kind words! I have read a lot of Dr. Gray's work, too and appreciate his insights on the importance of play and giving kids freedom without constant adult meddling and control. While Neufeld and Mate caution us about peer orientation, I don't think their ideas are necessarily counter to Gray's just more analytic about what can happen when children do not have a solid attachment with primary caregivers. There's playing with children as playmates in order to practice necessary pro-social skills and there's being turned over to peers, if you will, that can creates negative outcomes when primary attachments are not secure. Hope that makes sense. Also, not sure what you mean about being present in a friendly way. Can you explain a little more? Thank you!