The Day My Unschooled Teen Built His Own Computer
Why free play, interests, and letting them show us the way can lead to great things
If you’re not willing to learn, no one can help you. If you’re determined to learn, no one can stop you. -Unknown
On his 15th birthday, my son emptied the Amazon cart he had been filling up with parts and pieces to build his very own computer. This was a goal he set for himself and it was months in the making.
When he first started sharing his wishes with me, I was both excited AND impressed. My teen wants to build a fully functional computer and he seems quite comfortable that he can get it done? How cool is that!?
Then, I got a little scared. Since computer building was not in my wheelhouse I went into “I have no idea how to help him mode” and the quiet questioning began:
Am I going to need to hire someone?
Am I going to have to take a class?
How many manuals or videos will I need to watch to help him tackle this project?
Is there a book I can read on how to build a computer with my kid?
However, the reality played out very differently.
I did not need to hire a computer expert, because he was becoming more knowledgeable with each tech enthusiast video he watched on YouTube.
I didn’t need to spend time learning about computers or how to build them because he was becoming more capable with each question he thought of and each answer he tracked down from people who had done this before him.
The truth is, what he needed from me had nothing to do with my tech skills or computer building know how. (Which was a relief because I was no where near his understanding of how to build a computer!) Instead, he needed me to trust in him. He needed me to listen when he excitedly shared what he was learning, and he needed me to support him when it was time to order everything.
When all the parts arrived I helped him clear the dining room table. He unpacked the boxes and immediately got to work. He asked his Dad to sit with him and his sister watched curiously from the sidelines. I photographed the moment and documented the progress. I also couldn’t resist thumbing through everything and getting a glimpse up close of this Lego-On-Steroids project.
While I watched him confidently and intently work, clicking parts and pieces into place like he had done this a hundred times before, I was beaming inside. This was HIS goal, no one else’s. And he was experiencing the sweet satisfaction of personal achievement that did not involve coercion, force, or shame from an outside party to complete.
The power of self-directed education and internal motivation was on full display in our dining room that night and any residual worries I had about not going the traditional school route were calmed, once again.
No time is ever wasted in play.
“Self-education through play and exploration requires enormous amounts of unscheduled time—-time to do whatever one wants to do, without pressure, judgment, or intrusion from authority figures.”
-Peter Gray
From his earliest years, my son explored, tested and tinkered. He seemed to naturally understand the importance of immersing himself in what interested him. He liked to work with his hands and figure things out. First it was wooden puzzles, blocks, and playdoh. Next it was train sets, race tracks, and Legos. Then he moved to dominoes, Bionicles, creating mazes on paper, fort-building, Pokémon cards, and stop-motion.
He traveled into the virtual realm with video games and mastered boards on Mario Kart and created worlds in Minecraft. Time and time again, he showed me what he enjoyed. When I was really paying attention, I saw his eyes light up with each new idea he formulated, with each new thing he learned, and each new connection he realized.
Were there times when I worried that we weren’t doing enough structured learning? Yes. Were there times I worried that I was failing my kids by not insisting that we do worksheets or book work that I thought they needed? Yes. But each time I saw them accomplish something that had nothing to do with me I realized that Gray was absolutely right…play, interests, uninterrupted time and lack of intrusion are mighty forces that guide our children in amazing ways.
Our children’s “obsessions” are messages
As parents, and especially as parents who chose to forego the traditional school model, we can fall into the trap of constantly looking for validation that stepping outside of the norm won’t backfire. We want to know that our kids are going to be okay as homeschoolers. Sometimes, this causes us to become hypervigilant. We try to predict and draw a straight line from the things they spend their time doing to a potential, respectable outcome 15 to 20 years into the future. But what happens when we spend time thinking about the “what ifs” is that we can overlook the wonderful things our kids are doing, discovering, and learning right in front of us at this very moment.
While it might not be easy to see any logical benefits of your child’s love of “doing hair”, pay attention. Not only is she thoroughly enjoying herself, but she’s not backing away from challenges, she’s motivated to improve her skill set, and she’s becoming more competent with each new style she tries. Isn’t this what we ultimately want for our kids? For them to enjoy what they are learning AND to stay committed to improvement and increasing their competency?
So, if you find yourself getting nervous or judgmental about what they are intersted in, I invite you to look deeper. Become a curious observer. Whether your child is into history or bugs or vintage cars, trust the process. Have faith that they are building a customized road that will serve them well. Like Gray said, kids need “enormous amounts of unscheduled time—-time to do whatever one wants to do, without pressure, judgment, or intrusion from authority figures.”
I think back to my son adding things to his shopping cart as he learned what parts he needed to build his computer and find it to be a metaphor for self-directed education. As we live and interact with the world, we accumulate pieces (ideas, experiences, facts, relationships) and add them to our “shopping cart” (mind, body, and soul). Once we are ready to build or create with what we have accumulated, we “empty the cart” and a product or idea or experience is born. How cool is that?
Stay open to the possibilities and happy (self-directed) learning!
~Missy
Grab a copy of our e-book, Life Unschooled: A Guide to Living and Learning Without School. If you are new to homeschooling or unschooling, are unschooling curious, or have been homeschooling for a little while but seek to transition more to a self-directed educational mindset, Ann Hansen of Inner Parent Coaching and I teamed up to create this beautiful, downloadable guide with you in mind. It can also be helpful if you need support explaining unschooling and self-directed education to a family member, spouse, or friend.
