Can Parents Really Teach Their Own?
Supporting Your Child's Natural Love of Learning Without Going to School
John Holt believes parents can teach their own. He even wrote a book about it that I highly recommend.
I believe many parents can teach their own, too, even though I used to believe otherwise. (More on that below).
There’s been an obvious shift in opinion about homeschooling and the ability of parents to support their children academically. More families are considering it as a viable option and data suggests homeschoolers outnumber kids enrolled in private schools. However, parents still carry around worry about doing “ it right”.
“It” being educating their children without using the conventional schooling model. “Right” being something like not messing up their child’s chances for living a successful and productive life.
The fear and worry about “doing it right” are understandable, really. We have grown up in a society that has told us for generations that sending our kids off to school is not only a good thing, but a privilege and something to take pride in. So, to opt out may signal to those who are unaware of the many benefits of and ways to homeschool that you are a confused or irresponsbile parent.
Funny thing is, it is no secret that our current schooling system has some serious problems and are underserving children academically and socially, but, because we humans have a strong tendency to stick with the devil we know, homeschooling is different and therefore suspicious.
For those who choose not to stick with the devil we know, it can feel like we are putting our child’s life on the line. We are bombarded with what ifs and scary thoughts about shouldering the responsibility of educating our children—a job that has been customarily off-loaded to a school system and trained teachers. But, let me ask you a question…are schools, with all the money, resources, and staff really that much more qualified to support a child’s growth and development than loving, invovled parents?
The Qualification Debate
There’s a concern that parents aren’t really qualified to teach their own. Being a product of public school and being a trained teacher myself, I completely understand this idea because I used to think it.
Actually, I felt offended when parents thought they could do better than the school system which was built specifically to educate children. I mean, schools are filled with resources, curricula, ideas, structures, and people dedicated to supporting learning, right?
Teachers understand how children learn better than parents do, right?
Why do we have colleges that teach teachers how to teach if teaching children isn’t a special skill that requires training and developing?
Who do parents think they are to disrupt what we’ve been doing with kids since the late 1800s?
(Ok. I’m being snarky with the last one. Of course there have been changes since the dawn of public school. But given how drastically society has changed since the late 1800s, our current schooling model does not reflect those changes.)
How so?
We are still subjecting kids to a dedicated school building for x number hours a day, five days a week, with limited recess and limited natural sunlight. We ask them to sit in rows, listen to lectures, and we control their days with bells, subjects, and birth year.
We send them home with more schoolwork and limit their autonomy by standardizing what will be taught and what they learn. Sure, they are allowed to use the tech of our time, but the control, directives, and subject matter requirements are basically the same.
We give them a diploma that has no marketable value, nor does it prove any specific skill set other than, I passed the state requirements, which, honestly, doesn’t tell us much, either.
Using data from the Nation’s Report Card (NAEP), a third of 12th graders in the U.S. in 2019 (last year data is available) scored below basic reading requirements.
One third!
For further context, this is how Basic level performance is defined:
Twelfth-grade students performing at the NAEPBasic level should be able to demonstrate an overall understanding and make some interpretations of the text. When reading text appropriate to twelfth grade, they should be able to identify and relate aspects of the text to its overall meaning, extend the ideas in the text by making simple inferences, recognize interpretations, make connections among and relate ideas in the text to their personal experiences, and draw conclusions. They should be able to identify elements of an author’s style.
If we have students graduating high school without basic literacy is it fair to suggest that public schools are more qualified to teach kids than their own parents?
A side note about standardized tests: A case can be made against using standardized tests to prove an individual’s competencies and abilities. It is, in fact, a single moment in time and doesn’t look at the full picture of what the individual is capable of or has created and accomplished. However, using a standardized test for large groups of people who have been offered the same or similiar curriculum allows us to see the overall effect of said curriculum. That kind of collective data is hard to ignore.
Side notes about literacy:
Reading is a complex skill that develops over time and is based on brain readiness/development. There is a normal age variation that doesn’t neatly align with school grades and expectations. Because of this, some children are labeled behind and marked for “special education” when really what they needed was more time to develop and different approaches than the standard school model offers.
I had a conversation with Nikolai Pizarro of Raising Readers who works with families and aims to empower parents with the necessary tools and information to support literacy at home. We also discuss the podcast series, Sold a Story that highlights some of the reasons our public school systems continue to waste tax payer money and continue to fail our kids.
There is much more that can be added to the qualification debate, including the fact that some families are not psychologically equipped or emotionally supported to homeschool. As much as I appreciate the option to homeschool, I do not believe it is the best option for every family or every child.
However, to suggest that parents, in general, are not qualified simply because they haven’t received a stamp of approval from a teacher’s college or a degree from a four-year university doesn’t hold water. Not to mention there is so much more to life than academic learning. We tend to get so mono-focused on subject matter as it’s described in school that we fail to recognize all the other amazing ingredients of living a good life, like healthy relationships, self-awareness and self-care, communication, space and time to think, engaging with your community, purpose and meaning, and free will.
If you find yourself worrying about your own qualifications or that you aren’t doing “it right” remember that homeschooling is simply an extension of your parenting relationship. Your child is your partner in that they show you what they like, need, and want. But just in case you need some assurances or ideas, here are ways homeschooling parents are supporting their children outside of school.
Foster a Curiosity-Friendly and Loving Environment
Learning comfortably happens when children feel safe and secure. They desire to explore more when they know they are supported and feel encouraged. Listen wholeheartedly to your children’s questions and encourage them to ask questions about the world around them. Avoid the temptation to always answer their questions with your own conclusions unless they are asking you directly for your insights. Consider suggesting that you find the answers or solutions together whenever possible.
Provide them with plenty of opportunities to explore their interests. When they show you or tell you what they want to learn about or are interested in, strike when the iron is hot, so to speak.
Ex. If your child is interested in animals, go to the zoo, seek out a naturalist, talk about different species, habitats, and animal behaviors. Play games about animals. Watch documentaries or YouTube channels devoted to animals. If they are old enough, consider fostering animals, getting an internship, apprenticeship, or job working in a field caring for animals.
To understand more about supporting your child’s memory, I interviewed a former college professor and mentor who is a Developmental Psychologist and children’s memory researcher. You can listen to it here: The Science of Children’s Memory
Play
Playing is a child’s love language. I can’t emphasize this enough. Children are born to play. It’s how they build foundational skills like problem solving and critical thinking. It’s how logic and reasoning develops.
While you do not need to be your child’s sole playmate, when you are playful with your kids, they feel seen and loved. It also promotes pro-social behaviors and connection. Plus, laughter is powerful stuff. It’s energizing and acts as a bonding agent. The opposite of depression isn’t happiness, it’s playfulness.
For any parent who doesn’t feel very playful or needs some ideas, I love psychologist Lawrence J. Cohen’s book, Playful Parenting which provides wonderful advice and anecdotes.
A family that plays together, stays together.
Real and Natural World Experiences
There are so many ways we learn as we live our lives. Think about all the things you do day in and day out that are adding to your own knowledge base. Children are no different. Anything you do is added into the pot of your child’s unique education: cooking, cleaning, hiking, gardening, climbing trees, having conversations on car rides, reading, running errands, talking to the neighbors, mowing the yard, drawing, watching a movie, or lazy days at home… it all counts.
When we encourage adventures, exploration, and as many first-hand, physical experiences in the natural world as we can, children will learn in ways no lecture can touch. It expands them cognitively and psychologically.
While we live in a time where the virtual world is accessible 24-7, it is incumbent on us to ensure our children receive face to face time with other human beings and move their bodies in physical spaces to stay grounded in reality.
As the authors of A Hunter-Gatherer’s Guide to the 21st Century say:
Encourage active engagement with the physical world. Do this mostly by modeling it, but also by making opportunities and, to some extent, toys that make it easy and fun available. Allow mistakes. Expect accidents, falls, minor injuries. Be prepared for the possibility of larger injuries. Remember that people do not learn exclusively form being told what others have learned—especially physical truths. They have to have the close calls themselves.
Encourage Hobbies and Passion Projects
Our children show us what they enjoy doing and learning about. You can help them start hobbies or projects by connecting them to resources and people.
For example, if they are intrigued by space, assist them in building a model rocket or visit a planetarium. Contact local astronomy groups and see if there’s an option to learn with and from specialists or professionals. If they enjoy building with Legos maybe you can start a Lego club and bring kids together over a similar passion. It’s impossible to predict where our children’s hobbies can lead them, but it’s a fun ride of learning along the way.
When we help them nurture their interests we are not only signaling our trust in their self-directed learning, but also supporting their natural curiosity which creates a positive association with learning that lasts a lifetime.
Modeling
Our children watch us. They pay attention to what we pay attention to and where we put our energy. They hear what we say and watch what we do and they notice inconsistencies even if they don’t say so outloud.
When it comes to learning, if we are living a life that says “learning is a continuous endeavor and we are never too old to learn something new”, they are highly likely to embody that spirit, as well.
You can also emphasize the importance of learning by not shying away from your own mistakes and embracing challenges. Admit when you are wrong or have changed your mind about something because you learned more or heard different information that shaped you. Share stories of your own struggles and successes. Our kids need to see that we contemplate things and wrestle with information and even struggle at times.
When they witness us approach challenges and life with perseverance, honesty, and a growth mindset, they are likely to adopt similar traits. While our goal in parenting or homeschooling isn’t to create carbon copies of ourselves it is to reflect into the world what we’d like to see reflected back to us, so give your children something worth reflecting.
To Living and Learning!
~Missy
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Thank you for reading and being a part of the Let ‘em go Barefoot community! If you are new here, welcome! I’m Missy, a former teacher and curriculum organizer turned unschooling mom of one grown unschooler currently in college and one self-directed and self-taught teen artist who continues to carve out the life she wants. If you care to support my work you can do so by clicking below or sharing my essays with friends or following along on Instagram. I also love to hear from you so please do comment as I read each one!
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