Are You "Ego-Schooling"?

Don't Get Too Wrapped Up in What You Want Vs. What's Best for Your Unique Children

You Might Be Ego-schooling If…

Once upon a time, when our family first made the decision to forego the traditional schooling options, I dreamed of being a fabulous teacher to my kids. We would come together every morning, still dressed in our pajamas, sipping cocoa or nibbling on the morning breakfast I lovingly made, and we would read stories together, work equations, draw, or do science projects.

I would have amazing lessons devised and they’d gleefully thumb through the pages of their ‘work packets’ I printed out and collated. On our best days they’d ask for more. I considered how our “homeschool space” should be arranged. I made a list of materials we needed and spent time on those school supply websites making wish lists: kidney bean shaped tables, small chairs, bulletin board paper and decorative charts. I might as well have had a cape on because I was going to be a superhero homeschool mom and my children would be brilliant because of it.

Enter my first born.

My son was a contemplative, articulate soul who learned with his hands, asked questions day and night, and had a fantastic memory. He loved building with his Legos, making forts, and exploring outside. He spoke in complete sentences early and wowed us all with his vocabulary, expressions, and his thinking. When he became “school age” I found myself using words that had a bite to them. Words that belonged to two emotions I did not envision myself succumbing to: fear and frustration. Why didn’t he like what I had planned? Why won’t he just do the things I request? Doesn’t he know I helped organize a curriculum for a school? Doesn’t he know I have a master’s degree in education?

Newsflash: Five year olds do not care about your credentials. They care only about how you are making them feel.

My anxiety about what he was learning or not learning was not doing either of us any favors. The more I pushed the more he resisted. His resistance forced me to face an uncomfortable truth:

I was allowing my EGO to control how we homeschooled. I was allowing outside opinions to impact our relationship. I was not seeing the child in front of me or honoring his natural love of learning because I was too busy trying to check off a list of skills that the system we purposefully decided not to attend created.

This was in no way helpful to either of us. “Relationship First” became our homeschooling motto and I slowly let go of the romanticized version of homeschooling I created and we were all better for it.

~Missy

Could you have fallen into the ego-schooling trap? Do any of these sound familiar?

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If you’re into homeschooling and/or want to learn more about unschooing, I co-wrote an e-book with my friend, Ann Hansen of Inner Parent Coaching. Our 43-page guide is in response to the many questions we have received over the years. It is the guide we wish we had when we were in the early days of unschooling. It’s also a quick and easy read that explains what self-directed education is (and isn’t) incase you are looking for a way to understand this lifestyle better and/or to share the principles with a family member, spouse, or friend. Grab a copy here!

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